Surviving Motherhood---How TO Balance Work And Domestic Life For Single Moms

by Phae

Surviving Motherhood---How TO Balance Work And Domestic Life For Single Moms





SURVIVING MOTHERHOOD---HOW TO BALANCE WORK AND DOMESTIC LIFE FOR SINGLE MOMS

" A mother is a mother. Married or not, our commitment to our children is still as deep and our gifts are still as sweet." ---UNKNOWN
Not so long ago, unwed mothers were viewed as outcasts. Luckily, attitudes and behaviors of the society have changed and we have more freedom now. We are now equal to the women who are married and have kids. This time, there's no distinction at all.

Motherhood is being given the respects it deserves and marriage is no longer a determining factor. At long last, we have come to recognize that "maternity is truly a cosmic thing". That's it's an obligation and not only as a social title.

But, being a single mother can seem like an insurmountable task. Often, we must be a "mother" and "father" to our kids all at the same time. We work to support our family while we single-handedly run a household. We pray a lot, asking more strength, more time, and more patience. And most of all, we do our best to keep it all together.

Nowadays, mothers are expected to excel at everything. The society expects it from us and we expect it of ourselves too. Yet being the successful career woman who's also perfect mother and hostess looks only attractive from a distance than it does up close and personal. Every single mom who's regarded this way makes a lot of effort to maintain that distinction. It's up to us how to follow suit.

How to Balance Work and Home Life as a Single Mother
Raising kids isn't a simple task for families that have both parents. When you hear, "it takes a village to raise a child," it is really true. When you're a village of one, you face even more challenges. No matter what your situation is, there is nothing easy about raising them, but just know that the hardships are definitely worth it. I am a single mom, and raising my kids is one hell of a journey. My village consists of very loving aunts, uncles and grandma and grandpa. At the end of the day however, it is still up to us, moms to take care for them while working to earn a living.

Challenges, anxiety and stress always accompany a single mother. Both work and home demands time, dedication and attention. Some women weren't able to balance these demands. Often they neglect their children while trying so hard to earn

A concerned mom often encounters a dilemma like this. The urge to stay at home and care for the kids is always there. But, in order for her and the kids to live, she has to earn. And, that leaves her no choice

Since there is no choice but to work, the second question that pops into their minds is how to work competently in their jobs while being a great mom at the same time?

Yes. It is really a dilemma. And sometimes, we spent a lot of time racking our brains out for a solution for this. I know, because I was once like that before.

So, how will you survive the growing years of your children and still manage to stay sane? Let me share to you what I learned along the way. Read on.

Home management for me is a constant learning process. Dealing with heartbreak and having a new baby while tending a pre-teen son is no easy job. Having to work in an office at the same time is a bummer. I have to continuously update my "system" and I am always experimenting with new ways of doing things. But, here are a few tried and true tips that have helped our family survive the chaos:

Manage Your Time Well
Set aside one day to plan your daily routine. Schedule every bit of activity for the day. In this manner, you can finish the day without compromising or forgetting some schedules.

Make Sure the Routine You Really Make Works for You
There are all sorts of home management systems out there, but they will inevitably fail if they aren't tailored to your personality and career.

An organized household won't happen automatically, but it's not hard to pick a few areas to streamline. Our household is definitely a work in progress, but at least I know I can usually find my keys!

Always Stay Organized to Stay Ahead at All Times.
Don't allow yourself to let all chores and "mess" piles up for the day. Because most likely you'll get more "mess" the next day. Once these things piles up to its great length, it will be time-consuming and more tiring for you to arrange them again.

Let your kids help you in keeping the house clean. Train them at an early age on their small responsibilities in the house. They may grumble at first, but soon it will be routinely to them.

Toddlers could also participate in the "clean up" Just pretend to them that it is part of your games so that they won't feel it as "work". They would enjoy the activity as well.

Clean All Problem Areas Daily
There's always one place in a house where piles accumulate. For us, it's the kitchen island. It always has random toys, paperwork, mail, etc. If I let it fester, the pile gets out of control. So every day I clear it off. I hate doing it, but it's better to deal with problem areas before they become giant projects.

Always expect the unexpected.
Sometimes family life is just chaotic. We can't control when our little ones spill milk on their shirts on the way out the door, or when the baby needs a new diaper just as we need to dash to the bus stop. However, I have found by that controlling what I can, the other stuff becomes more manageable.

I just assume that something is going to slow me down when we are trying to get somewhere. The dog will need to go out. The toddler will lose a shoe. I usually give myself an extra 10 to 15 minutes to allow for these unexpected, but common, delays. Just take a deep breath always and remain calm. Relax! All moms experienced these things. You're not alone.

Keep a Stocked Diaper Bag/Snack Bin/Backpack/Water/Juice/First Aid Kit in Your Bag
I like to keep the supplies ready to go so that we are ready to run out the door. I always keep diapers and baby wipes a bin of portable snacks that I can grab on the way out (cereal bars, goldfish, crackers, etc).I also keep other bags ready as well. My son's backpack gets emptied and restocked immediately after school.

I also prepare his school things the night before so that there will be no delays in the schedule the next day.

Have Locations for Commonly-Used Items

Assign a place for keys, school supplies, shoes, backpacks, mail, and so forth. These are the types of things that both make messes and get lost. These are all things that get used daily, and it's helpful to keep track of them.

Balance Your Work Time and Family Time
Being a working mom is a very demanding role. Being a single working mom poses more demand. I admit that it is sometimes hard without the help of a partner. But, don't dwell on the past. There's always a solution to every problem. Just take time to think and act the plan. Hire a reliable baby sitter or ask someone to watch over the kids while you're at work. And, spend most of your time being with them. They already lost a father! Don't let them lose you too. Never forget to properly tuck them to bed. Help them in their home works and projects. Take time to visit them at school and in performances. They will be very glad about that. Aside from going to office, bring your toddler to all your other destinations like grocery shopping. Set aside 2-3 hours in the weekend with them. Watch a movie at home or dine out with them or just have snacks while watching TV series is already a big deal to them. Don't let them feel that you have no time for them. Remember: You're mainly working because of them. So don't neglect them or else, your time spent outside working and your career itself, has not worth at all.

Don't Ever Bring Your Work At Home
There's always time for everything and that includes "work time". Once you get home, make sure that the time will be spent wisely on your little family. It's also a time for all of you to relax for a while and talk about everything that happened the whole day. "After work" time is a time for compensation of "lost time" with the kids. They will appreciate that.

Find Work Close to Home or a Work That You Can Do at Home
This is the best tip that I could recommend to you. Quit your full time job, invest in a small business at home that you're expert with, and do freelance jobs on the internet. You don't only get to have a living but also, you could spend a lot of time with your kids while they are still growing up.

I am actually doing that nowadays. I quit my job at the a certain Call Center here in my hometown, I managed to land a new job as an English lecturer that only requires me to teach a few hours - thrice a week away from home. I earn extra cash by tutoring kids in the afternoons and do freelance writing online when the kids are asleep. Not only that I got to do what I love to do (writing and teaching) but now, I got both worlds at the same time and manages to balance my time with both of them. I am more relaxed nowadays than before and, I am very happy with the result. And, the good news is: you can do this too. Just find a niche for your talents, invest for it, make money out of it without leaving home so much.

Don't Forget To Have an Exclusive Time For Yourself Every Evening.
I find that it is so important to have a bit of time for myself even if it is only fifteen minutes. Make sure you put the kids early to bed every night. If possible, let them to sleep by 8:00 pm. Then, the world is now yours after that. Do whatyou love to do at these hours. Attend to your hobbies or you might just want to sit down and read. Whatever you do after the kids are asleep is your choice. Just make sure that it is not so rigorous that will make you tire more. Meditate. Sing. Enjoy.

Manage Your Anxiety
Managing the pressure and stress can really take its toll over time. I've found the following to be helpful tactics in relieving the anxiety that builds up as a single mom:

- Never forget to take vitamin supplements specially vitamin E. Eat a balanced diet and drink lots of water, milk and green tea.

- Listen to inspiring music. They could uplift your mood.

- Have time to exercise. A daily aerobics during the early hours of the morning will boost your energy throughout the day.

- Talk with other moms about the ups and downs of being a parent. Knowing that you're not the only one facing challenges as a parent can help reassure you and build up your own confidence.

- I prefer long hot shower and a glass of milk before sleeping. These will induce sleep and calm your nerves. For sleep is beneficial to pour health, it is required for us to have a great sleep of seven to eight hours per night.

Life can be hard sometimes and being a single mom is not an exception. In fact, we get it doubled. But, cheer up! Just look at the loving faces of your kids and these challenges will melt away. When you think of your kids first, balancing life at work and at home will be just an easy one. And even if they're not, you'll try to work it out.

Come on! We can do this! I have faith in all of us. We, single moms, can do anything for the kids. So, no matter how hard it is along the way, think of your kids always.

Make them as an inspiration and their love and adoration your fuel. Just thinking about them and their well-being will surely put a smile on your face and will make you strive more to both a great mom and a breadwinner again.

High regards and good luck!!

Written by LEAHMICAYABAS
FREELANCE WRITER

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